“When I remember the faces of those starving street children, I cannot eat anymore. I cannot stop my tears when I walk along the street of slum near the Sheraton Hotel. They eat only 2 times a day. With necked feet they play, run and sell flowers during traffic jams in Kazi Nazrul Avenue, but they always smile…” This testimony of Tunoda, a Japanese volunteer working in Bangladesh touched my consciousness. I asked her, “What is your opinion about the cause of these situations?” She said, “I don’t know, but I am sure it is the result of conflict and social imbalance in Bangladesh.”

After hearing this simple statement, I faced the struggles and conflict I see around me. I found myself in an invisible war. What a catastrophic this war is! We can’t see, but are suffering every moment. Conflicts in our family, school, work place and in politics are happening in various ways. Because of conflicts we are harassed with dwell desires, live with fears, anxieties, resentments, guilt, anger and understanding.

In ancient times, human beings were just like animals because of unconsciousness, lack of education, information, self-control and understanding. But what is going on now? We are civilized; have most powerful communication tools Internet, tremendous success in science and technology and global peace building organizations the UN. Why can we not be establishing our ultimate goal peace and happiness? To express my opinion on the cause and solution of suffering, I would like to concentrate on a core point.

Present modern era is directly or indirectly influenced by 19th century’s Social Darwinism, led by Herbert Spencer who claimed, ‘conflict in human society is natural.’ According to Social Darwinists “The survival of the fittest” that is ‘process of natural selection’ is also relevant in human society as like as another life kingdom. But I don’t agree with this hypothesis. If I support and follow them, as I believe the conflict will never end and peace will never established.

I would like to ask another basic question: Are human beings naturally good or evil? Personally, I believe human being is naturally good. We are all children of God, not Satan. We have spiritual universal values truth, beauty and goodness. After all we have the enormous potentiality and capacity to fulfill the universal purposes; and to be happy eternally through loving and being loved truly. (We have also evil desires. Here I will not discuss about the cause of evil desires.)

Conflict comes from ignoring or violating the universal principles- ‘living for the sake of others’. Mostly conflicts start from animosity emotions to verbal aggression, which lead us to abuse, injustice, hostility, exploitation, murder, and even war. In a nut shell, we can say conflicts begin from the individual level through ‘breakdown of interaction’, ‘ignoring the higher purpose’ and ‘accumulation of conflict’.

We know the universe is harmonized by the interrelated and orderly system. To generate the energy for anything to exist, act and reproduce, there is needed complementary subject-object partners. Conflict starts when breakdown the vital interaction between subject and object because of misuse, mistreatment, misunderstanding and in one way selfish control. Selfishness produces all kinds of negative emotions like arrogance, prejudice, greed, lust, exploitation and vengeance etc.

Everything has an individual purpose that maintains its own existence. Along with individual purpose everything has and under a higher purpose. Denying the higher that is whole purpose is another root cause of conflict. The person with mature character always gives priority to the whole purpose rather than their individual ones. In order to fulfill the higher purpose, we sometimes need to sacrifice our personal purpose or desire. Problems arise when we emphasis only on our individual purpose above the whole. Someone who constantly ignores the higher purpose is selfish. When our personal gain harms the well being of others, we quickly find ourselves in conflict because of our selfishness.

When we work together through harmonious giving and taking interaction centering on a common purpose, the result is greater unity and new developments. If selfishness exists within the individual, eventually conflicts prevail in the family and expand to the society. However, conflict in society occurs when one group or a nation pursues its self-interest over the greater good. Many conflicts among nations or ethnic groups today are the result of accumulated historical burdens of crimes and mistreatment. These transmit generation to generation because of ignorance or unwillingness to take responsibility. As an individual we are connected to the whole and to the past, present and future through our family, society, nation and the world. It is up to us to acknowledge our responsibility for conflicts at each of these levels and take steps to resolve them. By taking responsibility for past and present conflicts, we help relieve the burden of future generations, and free them to experience greater progress and harmony.

Cultivating our heart and character and living according to the principle ‘living for the sake of others’, we can make strong foundations for harmony and peace in all relationships. People who embody such altruistic qualities are recognized and honoured in every culture. It is proved that selfishness is the root of conflict, but no one is completely selfish, and no one is completely unselfish. Naturally we are a mixture of both natures, but can reach to original selfless status by self-denying process if we take the responsibilities of the situations with parental heart.

The whole resolution process can divide into three important steps. As these processes are related with restoring human’s original standard, it can be called ‘Restorational Conflict Resolution’ in which steps are –

1. Reflection and reorientation
2. Reversal and Restitution
3. Reconciliation and Renewal.

Reflecting from an unselfish viewpoint opens the door for resolving the conflict. Our fundamental beliefs and motivations govern the result, whether it would be good or bad. At first we must have to be humble and listen the word of offended which can transcend our own viewpoint and develop empathy. Usually we justified our action and position from our self-centered viewpoint. By following moral and ethical principles, we can easily overcome ignorance, misunderstandings, errors, illusions etc egoistic negative emotions, which is very necessary for conflict resolution.

Reversal role of the person and group can easily restore the situation from wrong to right. For example, Mahatma Gandhi played reversal role, loved English instead of hate. His reversal role changed the general trends of violence. To play reversal role it is very necessary to pay ‘indemnity conditions’ especially for a key person. If we damage someone’s property, we apologize and repair it, or we pay for the cost of repairs. Same thing needs to do for peace and harmony reestablishment with a total investment of heart.

No matter who is right or wrong, lasting peace can be achieved only when both sides sincerely desire it. The offender can more easily go through the indemnity course. If we truly pay attention into ‘reconciliation and renewal’, the conflicting values arrogance converted into humility, greed into generosity, exploitation into service, and enmity into love and forgiveness. Most of cause we, generally offended don’t want or can’t forgiveness as they persecuted. But forgiveness is much needed for reconciliation. Martin Luther King said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that…. we never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity.” When we can forgive the offender from the position of the offended, we transcend ordinary human limitations. Through making and accepting restitution, through forgiving and being forgiven, our hearts are healed and liberated.

However, if we always repeat and seek to justify ourselves, both internal and external conflicts will never be solved. By taking responsibility for our mistakes and understanding others, we can release ourselves from selfish pride and guilt. Our general tendency is to avoid the conflict without proper solution, so it repeats and transmits from one stage to another stage, generation to generation and once it accumulates as cultural conflicts. It is good to solve the conflict as soon as possible. More over, participating in conflict resolution is good for character growth. We have freedom and opportunity to either pass on the problems or pass on the solution.

In conclusion I would like to say, “Problem is not problem, problem is process of development if we can handle properly`. By following the motto ‘I am ok, you are ok’ we can interact and converse with differences positively, make a favourable situation. In this digital age we can easily solve all misunderstandings from local to global level by sharing experiences and ideas. Internet and digital technology bring us today in the same stage. TakingITGlobal is doing a great job by uniting different global youth communities. If our young people can learn how to relate to others with respect, fairness, tolerance and love, there can be hope for creating a new world culture of peace and prosperity.

References :

1. ‘Searching for life’s True Purpose’, 11 in a series, IEF New York 2001
2. ‘I am Ok you are Ok’, Thomas A. Harris, M.D. Avon Books, New York, 1973
3. ‘International Online Training Program on conflict resolution, www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace.
4. ‘My Journey in life’, a student textbook for character development, IEF New York 2001

Note: Published in Panorama | TakingItGlobal | 17 May, 2004